the session

[Ch_M_Anwaar]

so as i told before

i went to the therapist on saturday.

i think i was hopeful she told me some exercises to do and that she is going to take me to another psychiatrist because i need medication. she told me to focus on happiness

and i was about to as well maybe

but on the way home i suddenly became silent. you know like totally quiet , as if i wont ever speak again. or will never want to speak. i didnt wanna go home. instead i went to a park . as just sat there . i didnt want to kill myself instead i wanted to hurt myself cut my palm or break my neck things like that . i feel evil. like as if a villian has taken over my brain . i turned off my phone till 3 in the morning my mom and most of my so called friends were looking out for me and calling me constntly.

i went home and said nothing

i had a sleeping pill i wasnt adviced to take it but i took it to maybe sleep better but i couldnt

i passed out about 5 in the morning and woke at 6.34

and now i still feel all that

but i am lying lifeless

i dont want to talk or do anything to make myself feel better

i thought i wanted to die but now i realize i dont

i actually want to cease to exist.. anyone knows how that works??????

[blackcat64013]

Hi, Thanks for your candid insight into how your illness is making you feel and do things.

You have raised some serious issues about the state of your mental health.

Since it is 5 days after your post, I hope you have received some professional support.

Writing ✍ from Australia, we are encouraged to

1. carry a phone number for a 24/7 telephone support service

2. develop a mental health crisis care plan

3. carry both of the above in our purse or wallet

All the best 🫂 🐈‍⬛