Rambling first post?

[strawberryoni]

So recently my partner and I went through a really traumatic fight and almost split up. And the reasons why are my fault. I’ve made so many mistakes because I let my fear and anxiety control everything. I’ve wanted to be better and be functional for so long but I’ve just consistently had this ideal that my meds or one day I’m just gonna snap out of it and that’s just not true. I have to put in the work. I’m starting therapy for the first time in 2-3 years tomorrow and I’m nervous but excited. I have a lot still going on in my mind though and my mind and body have been in a state of fight or flight since things happened Tuesday. I’m having moments where I’m trying to sleep but I wake up freaking out for no reason. You’ll have to forgive my rambling I’m just trying to figure out the best way to get through all this. I don’t want to give up even though it feels impossible and terrifying. And I have the what if questions scaring the crap out ofme. I’m so afraid to lose my partner because I’m madly in love with them and it’s been us together for 5 years. I keep reminding myself too that people make mistakes but you have to grow and that couples go through periods where it’s not easy and everyone’s hurting. I just keep having paranoia and my panic trying to slap me in my face. I’m tired of letting my past haunt me, and the future scaring me. I want to be able to live in the now and be happy. Has anyone else gone through these types of things so I don’t feel as alone?

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi strawberryoni,

Welcome to our community.

I am not able to reply properly (on the plane) but wanted to reassure you are not alone.

Gentle hugs,

Nathalie

[Beingindependent Volunteer]

Believe me you’re not alone there are moments that are just very difficult and relationships are always changing and you don’t have to control anything

even though you probably want to because if you watch the news or you just experience talking to other people people go through these horrible things and so I think sometimes we want to control the person around us because we want to feel like we’re in control of something

but if you allow yourself to be the individual you are and then allow the other person to be an individual

Then you realize that you’re not in a relationship to make you happy because that’s not the other person‘s responsibility

so if you can live your life the other person can live their life and then you can share some happiness together then that’s what it’s for

like my husband and I are very individual we like to do separate things all the time and I trust him

so I don’t micromanage him at all he has the courtesy of telling me like well I’m gonna go do this

if I don’t want to go I don’t go but I don’t make him into anything I want him to be think about why you’re together in the first place

and then think about for a moment what would it be like not to have this person in your life and then you look at your friends relationships and realize you have so much to be thankful for

so you’re OK as you are he’s OK as he is and just know that treat him like you would treat your friends because aren’t you always nicer to your friend just being yourself

Take care

[philoso]

Don't blame urself. It's not ur fault. Whatever happened was just symptom of the anxiety. I often have arguments with others and i regret that latter. I often blame myself. Feels guilty. BT luckily persons surrounding me don't only accept me BT my disease (anxiety) as well.

[56artist_]

Sure have been there and still at times relationships and me not best trying very hard after sexual abuse dad and violence as child 2 abusive marriages 18 yrs and 17 yrs see why relationship s hard trying to recover from past

[Nom-D-Ploom]

It is hard when you think bad things are coming. It has helped me to remember that what finally happens is what was meant to happen. A lot of my anxiety comes from trying to hold things together by the force of my personality. I may be able to control things for a while, but in the end, what happens happens. Letting go and letting life happen has helped me a lot. It has made me a nicer person to be around.