Feeling selfish and alone

[Doodlebug23]

This is the only place I feel I can say this and I’m hoping have someone who understands.

4th transfer tomorrow, double donor and doing this alone, and I’m feeling really upset and a bit lost, after my mum said to me “after what your sister went through maybe she feels a bit more blessed for him” meaning my nephew.

She tried with her husband for less than 6 months to fall and then had gestational diabetes and had section 5 weeks early and had him under lamps in his cot next to her bed for a few hours each day before they went home after 4 days.

I’m feeling really upset selfish annoyed. Are any of my feelings valid or am I just a completely selfish uncaring self centred bitch??

[Hopewhite]

hi doodlebug I think your feelings are valid, we are all entitled to wish to become mothers. Today there are many ways to achieve a family , I believe you chose to do that because you have so much love to give. Perhaps your mom is subconsciously struggling with these modern ways, but I don’t think comparing journeys is healthy.

I actually had some not so positive thoughts today when I saw mothers on the street and wondered why them and not me; is it my fault to be where am I ? Could I have done anything better to have had a family earlier? and I honestly think the answer is no, there are just so many things we cannot control. So don’t let what was said invalidate your feelings, we all deserve to be happy and we all have very unique paths to it. Sending you a big hug and all the best of luck for tomorrow xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Hopewhite]

This whole thing is so hard. Feelings flying around that make you feel like the most selfish bitter person in the world!!! X

[Georgina1980]

just wanted to say.. good luck with your transfer today. I had mine a week ago so we’re not far apart. Easier said than done but try to not let others pull you down and stress you out at a time when you need to be as relaxed as possible. Mine was my 6th transfer and I cut lots of people out this time because of negativity. Thinking of you today & always here if you need someone to chat to x

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Georgina1980]

Thankyou. Just waiting for the tram to clinic! I have acupuncture at 9am so hopefully that will help. I had a group message last time with 7 on. That’s only 4 this time. My work bestie, my animal sitter (friend), my friend who’s coming to stay for part of 2ww, and my birthing partner.

Sending you baby dust!!! Let me know how you are getting on? Hopefully we will be online pregnancy buddies!!!! X

[Twiglet2]

good luck for today 🤗 I’m not sure I understand what your mum said that has upset you? Your sister probably does feel a bit more blessed for her baby after a difficult pregnancy and first few days? I’m sure when your baby comes you will also feel extra lucky having gone through so much to conceive? I would explore why that’s touched a raw nerve for you? Do you feel your mum isn’t showing you enough support etc? If so best to be honest with her and tell her what you need rather than beating yourself up about worrying about comparisons to your sisters situation. But like I said I might not be reading your story right and she has said something insensitive xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thankyou. Just waiting for tram to clinic! I know I’m probably over sensitive. X

[Twiglet2 in reply to Doodlebug23]

There is no such thing as over sensitive when you are pumped full of hormones! There will be a reason somewhere that you felt the way you did but try to focus on Happy happy thoughts for the next 2 weeks only 🤗💜 xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Twiglet2]

I’m manifesting hard!!! X

[WillowPark]

Good luck for today. Comparisons are hard but I have had similar feelings to you and completely understand how you feel. The fact you are on here asking if you are wrong to think that shows you are not selfish or self-absorbed, just hurt. Does your mum know what you are going through? My mum spent months fawning over a relative after their miscarriage (at 5 weeks first month of trying) and saying how it was a miracle when they fell pregnant naturally 4 months later. She had no idea we had been trying for years and were being referred for pre-IVF investigations. I'm not proud of some of the thoughts I had during that episode! It is hard because you wish people would understand but then they really have to go through infertility to understand - and I wouldn't wish that on anyone ☹️

[Doodlebug23 in reply to WillowPark]

My mum is with me. Like you said, unless you’re in it or been through it…. X

[Kitkat10]

Good luck today xx

Your feelings are always valid and you are not selfish in any way. It’s very hard for people to understand the toll that the IVF process takes unless they have been through it themselves. Sometimes people close to you even, just don’t know what to say and end up saying something unintentionally upsetting.

After my second failed cycle, my friend said to me ‘oh I just read about a lady who had 13 cycles of IVF before it worked, hang in there.’ It broke me at the time but now I realise that it’s best to not allow such comments to take up any precious brain space. Just try and focus on your own path and protect your feelings any way you can.

For me, I found it easier not to tell anyone about my treatment cycles, apart from people on here who really can understand what’s involved. Keep going 🍀 you are doing a wonderful thing 💕 thinking of you today and I have everything crossed this is your time 🍀🍀 x

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Kitkat10]

Well I’m now PUPO!!!

I’ve only told the people closest to me, though it’s hard cause going abroad, those that know I’m using a clinic in Spain know what’s happening! 🙈

X