Hi all, this is my first time posting here. I am struggling with anxiety and working on getting to the root of it. I grew up with an overbearing mother and developed a habit of constantly overthinking because I could never foresee when I would randomly get in trouble for something. She read my journals and went through all of my personal stuff up until a couple years ago and had to go no contact for months. She even went through my husband’s stuff and she would gather information and act like everything was fine and randomly blow up at me.
This has taken a toll on my marriage. Without realizing it, I ask a lot of attention and energy from my husband to the point he stopped working out to spend time with me. I feel horrible that I caused so many bad habits for us.
My husband is the kindest man but when pushed too far, can blow up and say mean things. I used to just blame these blowups on him, but I’m starting to realize I’ve been fixating on things that haven’t happened and caused fights over nothing. Habits that have developed from my upbringing. I’m trying to find ways to cope and communicate better with him.
We had another yelling match last week and mean things were said. These leave both of us depressed afterwards. This one was caused by his cousin (who was house sitting) going through all of our stuff and this is a cousin I’ve had issues with in the past because he gossips about me to the family. Obviously this was a huge trigger and I fixated on it for 8 hours and wouldn’t stop even though my husband was agreeing with me. He finally blew his temper and was screaming and asking if I was stupid. I called him names too because I was upset. Some alcohol was also involved, as we both drink and are working on cutting back.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? I hope I can actually get better at communicating. I keep finding myself in the same cycle