Married life

[Virnika]

I have been married for 13 years.I have compromised on every level in my married life. When my spouse was financially struggling ( which was atleast 6 years of our married life) I didn't ask for anything. I even bought my necessary clothes from roadside shops. I cooked food according to his preferences keeping aside my taste and preferences. I return I got to listen that I was not forced to do all this . All my love was reduced to mere 'I was not forced'.

If I have some health issue or I am in pain I don't get his support .

I still love him but I don't see any love from his side. And I can't divorce him.

I don't know how to live under the same roof without love.

These things keep bothering me every day and I am getting more frustrated and depressed.

I just want to learn how to live without expectations

[sunshinefan]

I have similar feelings with my spouse. I have been married for 24 years and considered getting a divorce several years ago, but I can' survive on my own. He is a workaholic and is never home. When he is home he ignores everyone by being on his phone or computer. I feel like I'm just good for cooking, cleaning, doing laundry. We have no intimacy (sorry if that's TMI). We are more like roommates. It's frustrating. I have just learned to turn more to friends and family than my spouse. It's hard to live with no expectations and without feeling loved. I've had a couple people, therapists, tell me they think he's having an affair. I don't believe that, but maybe I'm being naive. It's a hard place to be. I'm sorry you are feeling that way and I'm here to chat anytime.

[Virnika in reply to sunshinefan]

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry for your situation. Even I feel like I am just there for house chores.

I can't talk to my family about my situation and I have no friends. I really don't know what to do and how to live like this . I don't have the strength for this behavior

[sunshinefan in reply to Virnika]

I'm sorry for your situation too. It is not fair an not right.

[hypercat54]

You ARE living under the same roof without love now. The only difference is while you still have your husband in your life you aren't free to move on to find love in your life elsewhere are you.

I wouldn't call your marriage a compromise exactly but you giving all the time and him taking all the time instead. It seems clear he doesn't need a wife, but a mother instead. If you are content to be his mother and carer then stay with him. It sounds like you aren't though?

Nothing will change until you make it happen. Not saying this will be easy - far from it but why not start in very small ways? For example cook what you like sometimes and not with him in mind? Start slowly taking back control as this will be a lot easier.

No one can subsume themselves in someone else ignoring their own needs without feeling exactly like you do so start doing small things for yourself and not him. Attending to your basic needs is essential for a happier life.

[Virnika in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you!!